Season 5, Episode 2
Awkward silence count: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
It’s another hour in Chelsea Land, and first things first: Woah, Louise is an annoying texter. I thought it was only 12 year old’s who write ‘you’ as ‘U’
So Jamie, Proudlock and Francis have moved into their new house ……… Hang on a minute ……. Isn’t that the exact house they were in before? The house in which the wonderful Jamie-Proudlock-Francis painting was unveiled? Looks exactly the same to me.
Not being able to cope with being at home for so long, Andy turns up and invites Jamie and Francis to go skiing with him and some girls he fancies. Three blonde girls that look the same, Binky and Lucy. It was only last week when Jamie’s bank guy told him he has to be more careful with his money, but he doesn’t really mind so only exclaims ‘Oh how spontaneous’ before running off to get some skis.
Skipping over to Proudlock, he’s just chilling around in his studio, leaving us all to wonder ‘what the hell is his job?’ At first I thought it was a shop, but then we’re told it’s his studio? And the only thing he appears to do in it is look at Facebook pictures.
We then head over to Verbier in Switzerland, where I’m guessing stunt doubles do some skiing, because whenever we actually see Jamie and Co. skiing they’re generally falling over. The blonde girls just seem to stand there holding ski sticks and wearing clothes that are not really that good for skiing.
Turns out the blonde girls on holiday don’t like Lucy. Who saw that coming?? Has there ever been a holiday on Made in Chelsea without someone who really hates someone else? Why don’t they just go on holiday with someone they like?
Spencer has an angry conversation with Millie during which he looks like a dodgy cricketer. I’m not sure whether our main concern should be the hat or the jumper. Anyway, he wants to be friends with Rosie but not with Millie, and he tells her so in a very mature way … oh wait, no he doesn’t.
Back in Verbier …. Oh hello, Andy’s completely naked. Are we going to be getting one an episode? I’m all for that!
Cue INSANELY awkward flirting with Phoebe (one of the blonde girls) and Jamie, which is made even more awkward by the fact that Lucy is getting all angry and jealous. Jamie suggests a ‘flirty fondue’ kissing game which takes the awkwardness to the next level. If that’s possible.
One of the blonde girls (I think Olivia maybe?) has a go at Lucy for texting a boyfriend of hers a few years ago. Apparently Lucy didn’t know he was taken. Apparently, she even saved herself as ‘Sexy Lucy’ … Woahhh let’s just keep this PG shall we? Surprisingly, after a whole season of hating her, I’ve suddenly found myself on Lucy’s side. Besides, the other girl’s lipstick is way too dark.
More revelations follow. Turns out that Jamie has a secret girlfriend called Tara. He says that she’s the ‘first girl in 4 years that I’ve actually liked’. Wait what?! What about his obsession with Louise, and with Binky?
Spencer continues to rant about Jamie. They have an awkward conversation in which Spencer says ‘You fucked me over. I’d never do that to you.’ Urmm, can I bring up the Jamie-Louise situation once again!?
Basically there’s a load of hypocrites this episode.
Oh and Cheska cries. Somebody has to.