Season 5, Episode 3
Awkward Silence Count : IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
It’s London Fashion Week in Chelsea which means we get some very strange clothes mixed in with the hell of a lot of drama going down …
So it turns out there was a little hanky-panky going on behind the scenes at last week’s ski trip. Jamie snogged Lucy in the hot-tub despite the fact he spent most of it flirting with Phoebe.
Cheska and Ashley have a nice chat, which then quickly spirals into awkward territory when Ashley tells Cheska that she found gay porn in Ollie’s DVD collection. Apparently she thought he was straight – doesn’t she watch Made in Chelsea?
A quick break from the drama lets us enjoy Francis skating down a street wearing ski goggles, and Jamie and Proudlock showing off their sporting ability by throwing a rugby ball to each other, despite the fact they’re so close they could probably just pass it.
Lucy inevitably finds out Jamie has a girlfriend and turns her face away from the camera a lot in an effort to portray some form of emotion.
Spencer decides to break up with Louise. Why is he so infuriating? He tells Jamie and Proudlock he ‘hopes it won’t be awkward’ – No Spencer, it’ll be angry.
Ashley confronts Ollie about his porn stash – to make matters even awkwarder, in this scene Ollie kind of reminds me of a guy I once dated. I’m physically cringing.
It’s Spencer and Louise break up time – uh oh. Spencer delivers some classic break up lines in spectacular fashion: “I can’t be in a relationship right now”; “We’ve drifted apart” and “You pushed me away” all featured.
Louise seems to finally get what an idiot she’s been and what a dick Spencer is. They proceed to scream at each other and Louise even goes in for a girly little punch.
Spencer delivers some more lines that could compete for The-Best-Line-Ever-Said-On-Made-in-Chelsea-Award:
1) “I’m not the one that cries over every lunch or dinner”
2) “It’s fucking hard to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you”
Just when we thought the drama was over, Spencer sends Jamie a text with two kisses!! What?! What guy sends kisses to another guy?! And two!? Anyway, he tells Jamie about his and Louise’s break up and describes it in honest detail – “She lost it – I didn’t say a word”. Humm, I heard him say a lot of words.
Louise, on the other hand, has gone up in my estimation, by not crying AT ALL. ALL EPISODE. Congrats Lou. Millie tells her that “literally, there’s like a light shining out of you”.
Andy sips a girly cocktail with Binky and gets excited about Louise’s new singleness. His eyes and nostrils widen to a worrying size. Also, this is one of the best screen-shots ever:
Jamie can’t remember if he did kiss Lucy or not – Francis tells him not to tell his girlfriend Tara, if he thinks she wont find out – Francis, this is a TV show, of course she’s going to find out.
The episode ends with Rosie’s end of Fashion Week party with several questionable blazers, and some heated discussions.
Andy and Spencer seem to make up but then things get awkward again when Andy asks Spencer if he’d be alright if he asks out Louise. Apparently not.
Then Louise asks to speak to Spencer. Millie, Binky and Lucy seem to watch Spencer and Louise’s chat with as much pain as all the rest of us, as Louise accuses Spencer of sleeping with someone in her bed. Phew, this is heavy stuff.
Ending the nights dramatics, Tara and Lucy have a chat. Turns out Tara’s 18?! What?! We find out that Tara and Jamie have been together for 6 months, meaning that when he was chasing Binky, he was a taken man! Ughh, Jamie. Lucy hints and skirts around the subject until Jamie turns up and looks like he’s about to piss his pants. They don’t tell her though. I guess they’re saving that drama for next week.
So Jamie’s an idiot, Spencer’s an idiot, Louise didn’t cry and no one got naked. Bad times.