Season 6, Episode 1
Awkward Silence Count: IIIIIIIII
It seems e4 have given up on pretending that any of this is real life. They’ve swapped the innocent little ‘some scenes may have been edited for your entertainment’ facade to a full-blown-whatever ‘scenes created for entertainment’. Well done e4. The first step to recovery is acceptance.
What’s the best way to start the new series? Put Spencer in therapy of course. We’re always wondering why he cheats on everyone he so much as touches, so it’s nice that he has the same concern.
But you can’t have too much soul-searching in the first few minutes, so let’s throw in our first group party! Literally, it took them two minutes to get Lucy in a bikini.
Remember the end of last series? Lucy and Spencer were all loved up and he promised never to cheat on her. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED. He stayed faithful! … I kid, he cheated on her. At least four times apparently, which I would say is some sort of record for him, except that it’s probably not.
A new series also means that some members of the cast have re-evaluated their lives and realised their job is to sit in a cafe and talk about relationships, and quit, leaving space for some new cast members! They seem to be great lovers of the words ‘man’ and ‘sweet’. I was keeping count, but actually lost count.
Jamie seems to be the only one still enjoying this elongated, slightly cold looking party and shows this to Spencer by announcing “We’ve been swimminngggg, we’ve been drinkingggg, we’ve been talking to your exxxx”. Pretty much MIC summed up. Spencer tells Jamie that Louise has been texting him (which in Chelsea is code for practically getting engaged)
What’s the latest gossip? Louise has been texting spencer but more importantly HE’S STEALING JAMIE’S GLASSES NIBBLE! What is the world coming to?
Hold up. Speaking of what is the world coming to … what is up with Phoebe’s cornrows? New boy Freddie and Lucy also meet for a reaaaally long handshake as he awkwardly asks her out and she says flat-out no. How do you get yourself out of a situation like that? Go in for the handshake again of course …
Binky’s rocking Mark Francis boat annddddd …. BOOM first glimpse of Stevie. Mmmmmm.
On the other side of the pool, Andy and Louise have trouble in paradise. She keeps going on nights out and disappearing for 24 hours with no word to her poor boyfriend. This sounds suspicious. Turns out Louise has been showing off her lady parts to a number of men who happen not to be said boyfriend. Unfortunately, it’s Lucy who enlightens Andy to this which I assume is going to be the main part of an argument somewhere later on.
Who are we missing here? Francis! It’s almost halfway through the show and still no incredibly awkward Francis moment. But e4 are not ones to disappoint so they’ve gifted us with him asking Rosie out while naked in a pool. She says no.
Wayheeyyy! Andy shouts at Louise as he confronts her about her shoddy faithfulness. She continues to deny it and blab on an on until he tells her to shut up and the whole world cheers. You go Andy! Oh, and she cries. Surprised? This leads to a number of break-up shots complete with emotional music and Louise getting teary.
Back to another integral part of MIC: more clues on Proudlock’s job. This time we’re in his pop up shop?! How does that relate to the other clues we’ve had? I’m so confused.
Spencer drops by to ‘make Louise feel better’ and she complains Lucy’s rude to her as if she is nothing but polite, then claims she hasn’t cheated on Andy. Spencer of course says he’s on her side which means that he wants to be in her pants.
Phoebe is also being a bit of an idiot as she tells Fran that she can’t date her ex Alex, because … wait why Phoebe? She seems to think she has some sort of ownership over him. GO AWAY PHOEBE.
And finally, we may have discovered Spencer’s super power. He’s made Lucy cry too, as he tells her off for telling Andy about Louise’s antics. Maybe it’s just an after effect of dating him?
What have we learned this week? If you shout ‘wooh’ a lot, it makes a party fun. Don’t ask people out naked, and never date Spencer.